قلم هاي كاغذي

   the mother   

the mother 
When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed
you. you thanked her by crying all the night. 

When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.
 When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals
with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on
the floor.
 When you were 4 years old, she gave you some
crayons. You thanked her by coloring the dinning room
table.
 When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the
holidays. You thanked her by looping into the nearest
pile of mud.
When you were 6 years old, she walked you into
school. You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING".
 When you were 7 years old, she bought you a
baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the
next-door-neighbor window.
 When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice
cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over you
lap.
 When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano
lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to
practice it.
 When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day,
from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after
another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and
never looking back. 
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your
friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to
sit in the different row.
 When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to
watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting
until she left the house.
 When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was
becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no
taste.
 When you were 14, she paid for a month away at
summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a
single letter.
 When you were 15, she came home from work, looking
for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door
locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to drove her
car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you
could.
 When you were 17, she was expecting an important
call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
 When you were 18, she cried at your school
graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying
until dawn.
 When you were 19, she paid for your college
tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags. You
thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you
wouldn't be embarrassed in front of you friends. 
When you were 20, she asked whether you were
seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying "It's none of
you business".
When you were 21, she suggested certain careers
for your future. You thanked her by saying "I don't
want to be like you".
 When you were 22, she hugged you at your college
graduation. You thanked her by asking whether she
could pay for a trip to Europe .
When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your
first apartment. You thanked her by telling your
friend it was ugly.
 When you were 24, she met your fiancï؟½ and asked
about your plans for the future. You thanked her by
glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther, please!" 
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your
wedding, and she cried and told how deeply she loved
you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the
country.
 When you were 30, she called with some advice on
the baby. You thanked by telling her, "Things are
different now."
When you were 40, she called to remind you of a
relative's birthday. You thanked her by saying you
were "really busy right now." 
When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to
take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the
burden parents become to their children.
 And then, one day, she quietly died. And
everything you never did, came crashing down like
thunder on your heart.
IF SHE' S STILL AROUND, NEVER FORGET TO LOVE HER MORE
THAN EVER.
AND IF SHE' S NOT,
REMEMBER HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

   وقتی بزرگ می‌شوی   

وقتي بزرگ مي شوي ديگر .. خجالت مي كشي به گربه ها سلام كني و براي پرنده‌هايي كه آوازهاي نقره‌اي مي خوانند دست تكان بدهي.. خجالت مي كشي دلت شور بزند براي جوجه قمري‌هايي كه مادرشان برنگشته، فكر مي كني آبرويت مي‌رود اگر يكروز مردم _همانهاي كه خيلي بزرگ شده اند_ دل شوره‌هاي قلبت را ببينند و به تو بخندند.

 وقتي بزرگ مي شوي ديگر .. نمي ترسي كه نكند فردا صبح خورشيد نيايد،حتي دلت نمي خواهد پشت كوه‌ها سرك بكشي و خانه خورشيد را از نزديك ببيني.. ديگر دعا نمي كني براي آسمان كه دلش گرفته، حتي آرزو نمي كني كاش قدت مي‌رسيد و اشك‌هاي آسمان را پاك مي كردي..

وقتي بزرگ مي شوي.. قدت كوتاه مي شود .آسمان بالا مي رود و تو ديگر دستت به ابرها نمي‌رسد و برايت مهم نيست كه توي كوچه پس كوچه‌هاي پشت ابرها ستاره‌ها چه بازي مي‌ كنند .. آنها آنقدر دورند كه تو حتي لبخندشان را هم نمي بيني! و ماه، همبازي قديم تو آنقدر كمرنگ مي‌شود كه اگر تمام شب را هم دنبالش بگردي پيدايش نمي كني

وقتي بزرگ مي شوي .. دور قلبت سيم خاردار مي كشي و در مراسم تدفين درخت‌ها شركت مي كني و فاتحه تمام آوازها و پرنده ها را مي خواني و يكروز يادت مي افتد كه تو سال‌هاست چشمانت را گم كرده‌اي و دستانت را در كوچه هاي كودكي جا گذاشته‌اي ، آنروز ديگر خيلي دير شده است ..... فرداي آنروز تو را به خاك مي دهند و .. مي گويند:

خيلي بزرگ شده بود......!!!!

علاقه‌مندان به بوف کور استاد هدایت می‌توانند از این لینک نسخه کامل کتاب را بردارند.

http://www.banitak.com/infocenter/library/hedayat

گفته بودی تا آخر آن روزها که نفس می کشم کنارم می‌مانی

امروز ماه‌هاست که رفته‌ای

و من با خود می‌گویم حتما فراموش کرده‌ای

که از پیچ آن خیابان بازگردی

چشم‌های من هنوز منتظرند

با هر زنگ تلفن قلبم هزار بار تندتر می‌زند که شاید تو باشی و تو نیستی

در هر صدای زنگ و هر پیچ خیابان من هزار بار پیر می‌شوم

و تو حتما فراموش کرده‌ای که بازگردی و کمی سرت شلوغ شده است

هنوز منتظرم تا شاید از پس آن پیچ خیابان و حرمت آنهمه عشق و وعده وفاداری

بازگردی

یک سال از بودن وب‌لاگم گذشت

در این یک سال چه روزها و اتفاق‌ها که بر من نگذشت و تنها گوشه‌ای کوچک را توانستم به دنیای نوشته‌هایم بیاورم

شاید سال دیگر نه منی باشد و نه اتفاقی و  نه نوشته‌ای  و نه وب‌لاگی

positive pictures come out  from negatives developed in dark rooms, so if you find yourself lonely in dark, understand that god is working on a beautiful picture for you